TGS: DOAX2 passes the "one hand" test

by Ross Miller { Sep 23rd 2006 at 7:25AM }

Let's be honest: there is no reason to play Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 other than to gawk at the pixelated softcore porn. The gameplay is Xtremely simplistic to the point of boredom. With that perspective in mind, we can safely say that DOAX2 is easily playable using only one hand (we'll let you make the next logical step about what your idle hand can do).

We first tried our hand (har har) at the main game. With our middle and index finger we moved around our bubbly player, and our thumb moved between A and B buttons. To our knowledge, the shoulder buttons serve no purpose -- that, or they weren't needed to return the serves.

After that we moved on to water sports. The Jet Ski minigame (image after the break) is a simplified Wave Race. You move between yellow and red buoys trying to stay in between in order to earn boosts, which is not hard to do as the buoys are widely spread apart. Again, our fingers used the joystick to turn. This time, A is accelerate and B moves the camera in front of you ~~so you can stare at the player's other assets~~ to make sure no one is tailing you. Because of the buttons' respective placement, we could simply lay our thumb down on both A and B at same time, saving us the effort of having to win the race in order to gaze longingly into the racer's exaggerated cleavage.

Controlling your character takes about as much effort as fast forwarding through dialogue on a Skinemax film, which is only appropriate. DOAX2 fails as a game, but passes admirably as an interactive wet dream.

Curious readers DOAX2 is also right-hand compatible (photographic proof not shown).

Tags: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2, DeadOrAliveXtreme2, DOAX2, tecmo, tgs06

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

potato @ Sep 23rd 2006 7:57AM

That's what the wii is for

Intangible 360 @ Sep 23rd 2006 8:33AM

Uhhh...

Ndric @ Sep 23rd 2006 8:34AM

HAHAHAHAHA

makete @ Sep 23rd 2006 9:06AM

That's the point.. my Penis get hard when I play DOA

Enosh @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:46AM

I suppose that's good to know, but then again you could go the no hands route and just rewatch the trailers downloaded off xbox live market place over and over again for a similar effect.

Henry @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:18AM

I have a girlfriend, so I dont need to spend money on shit games. Owned!

Vercingetorix @ Sep 23rd 2006 10:04AM

Haha. Brilliant artcile.

GM @ Sep 23rd 2006 10:23AM

I think most people missed the point of DoAX, I think the best feature the game had wasn't its boobs, it was actually the chill factor. It was one of the only games where you could just sit back, and relax while playing. Most games try to pump you up in some way, not DOAX, it was a very different experience in that it was just about relaxing, listening to music and taking in the visuals.

Balla360 @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:00AM

Aren't we trying to be more inclusive towards female gamers rather than less? This article isn't getting the job done.

sether @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:10AM

Distasteful Joystiq. Put up some real news.

MusashiX2 @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:46AM

"After that we moved on to water sports."

did anybody else quickly get disturbed by this sentence?

Scott @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:46AM

You have a girlfriend and you still say owned?

Is this Girlfriend Pop-able?

DWC @ Sep 23rd 2006 11:50AM

Look... Its all the rage to make fun of DOAX but I have to point out that the original is my wife and daughter's favorite game (and one of my sister's favorites - Sims is her fav.) on XBOX. The "games" are easy enough for them to pick up, the competitive aspects of the game are more fun than cutthroat, the "friends" relationship play between the girls appeals to them, and the collector aspect of the game lets my daughter play "Barbie" with the girls. For hardcore gamers - DOAX may be appear to be a masturbatory perverse game... for casual female gamers, the GAME isn't the volleyball or the wave racing or the casino - those are side affairs to the "Barbie-like" game of vacationing on an island with a bunch of other girls.

Babylonian @ Sep 23rd 2006 2:02PM

The girlfriend before my current one got her dad DOAX for Christmas one year. He then proceeded to put her through hours of the unspeakable slave-labor it takes to try and get the Venus on Tina.

What a weird relationship that was.

Matthew @ Sep 23rd 2006 12:32PM

If you're looking for something to be more inclusive of female gsmers, I'd suggest not reading articles related to games like the DOA series.

You know, just a suggestion...

Ben Hobbs @ Sep 23rd 2006 12:50PM

Just because some people think taht we need to try and con girls into playing games is no reason to stop teh fun men stuff.

The whole girls gaming will work itself out in the end, Lets not go forcing the issue by taking offence at something most women wouldn't. Some women may not want to play this, however I could say the same about "Super Barbie Pony Adverntures.

I never expected girls to play with my action man when I was young, just like I didn't want to play Barbie.

AnGeLuS @ Sep 23rd 2006 1:40PM

Wow! Is this supposed to be a professional site? Why would you even make an article about this....way to start a flame war..

rockintom99 @ Sep 23rd 2006 2:04PM

Subtlety, makete, is the key.

Spambot132 @ Sep 23rd 2006 1:54PM

16. Wow! Is this supposed to be a professional site? Why would you even make an article about this....way to start a flame war.."

Since when did people assume Joystiq was a professional site? It was an amusing article..

Still..the people that can masturbate to this could probably do the same to any other video game with a female character. Keep in mind, polygons ARE a step of from anime, fellas.

Anna @ Sep 23rd 2006 2:45PM

Seriously Guys... the girl gaming debate... over dead or alive anything... wow.

Dead or alive games are tons of fun, obviously they put a lot of effort into adding that extra... bounciness... that doa seems to have, but hey we make fun of that.

DOAX... was sad to give up when it was time to upgrade to the 360. Its not the best game for gameplay, and obviously targeted to guys for the boob factor (just like the fighting end of the series), but that doesn't mean that it isn't a fun game to play. Hell half the fun is lobbing sexually degrading comments about the 'nasty explicit remark' that your opponent is playing.

You guys seem to conufuse "Girl Gamers" and "Women Gamers", Girl Gamers, well... little girls where you want things like Barbie's Horse Adventure, and not things like... heck whats a series targeted specifically at preteen guys? I can't think of one, well maybe tomb raider.

Woman Gamers on the other hand are just like Men Gamers, we have our likes and our dislikes, I like RPGs and strategy, which seems to be sorta stereotypical, but I'm more then comfortable playing halo or mortal kombat, and I think Dead Rising is a killer game, even if I don't like to play it before bed, lol.

but this whole "Girl Gamer" thing you guys are going on is a load of crap. Girls don't stop liking games just becuase they are so obviouly targeting men with boobs.

The whole "girl's don't play games" is just a stigma which is becoming less true with every generation, its no different then "Game's are for nerds" that guys had to get through, were just a few years behind.

In 10 more years, this subject will be moot.

In the mean time, I'll continue to play bomberman with my friends and make comments like "Suck my pink dongle" (refering to the thing on bomberman's head), and calling Hitomi a teenage skank when I'm getting beaten by her on DOA4.

Let me play, and stop categorizing me and my friends and try and force us to play 'girl friendly' boobless games, cause the current status quo kicks ass, and girls are being converted as is... just give it 10 years, and the uptake of girl gamers will be significant.

DubC @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:02PM

Wow... I didn't know the staff at joystiq were complete and utter idiots. That is not the main game. The main game is the Vacation mode. That was just the mini games all pooled together. I have never seen such idiotic "journalism" in my life.

PSWii360 Fanbot @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:27PM

This article is of poor taste and proves that Joystiq loves to fill day devoid of any news with filler material. This is just pathetic.

Second Rant: Is anyone else sick and tired of seeing the use of the strike through font for articles? Either put it print, or delete it. It does not add an humor to your tongue in cheek comment if it is in strike through. Get over yourselves Joystiq

Brian Sexton @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:31PM

"Aren't we trying to be more inclusive towards female gamers rather than less? This article isn't getting the job done."

What do you want, information about whether the game can be played with feet for women who masturbate with both hands?

Zo� K. @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:33PM

I'm at a loss. Please tell me...

...what do I do with my free hand?

CrumbleBubmle @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:42PM

"22. This article is of poor taste and proves that Joystiq loves to fill day devoid of any news with filler material. This is just pathetic."

No it's not, it's goddamn hilarious and in good taste, there are no malicious comments towards anybody. Just good fun. Grow some balls.

Second Rant: Is anyone else sick and tired of seeing the use of the strike through font for articles? Either put it print, or delete it. It does not add an humor to your tongue in cheek comment if it is in strike through. Get over yourselves Joystiq.

I found that also hilarious, perhaps you and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Atleast my side is the better side..

sara @ Sep 23rd 2006 3:45PM

Masturbate Zoë K, what else? It is not exclusive to guys though, lesbians can also enjoy it, as suggested by ever declining Joystiq.

OyoyoY123 @ Sep 23rd 2006 4:11PM

".... actually the chill factor. It was one of the only games where you could just sit back, and relax while playing. Most games try to pump you up in some way, not DOAX, ..."

well i beg to differ....I am pretty pumped up when playing DOAX

ill trooper @ Sep 23rd 2006 5:27PM

Hold the pizza slice?

PSWii360 Fanbot @ Sep 23rd 2006 5:30PM

25.

Yeah, you're right.

ou know what would make a good follow up to this post? An article that talks anbout penises and vaginas.

Now that would be HILARIOUS!!

I'm laughing already.

I've grown some balls, why don't you grow up?

Huzzah!! @ Sep 24th 2006 12:16AM

If only this game was on Wii.... sigh... :P

shidoshi @ Sep 23rd 2006 7:45PM

Wow... what's pathetic here isn't the article, but many of the people posting comments about it. If something like this actually bothers you so much, then you might want to avoid the internet (and hell, real life) all together, least you be offended by anything else out there. Bashing the writer for not knowing there was an actual "game" beyond what was cover? Ever stop to think that maybe they know that, and this was, I dunno, a joke?

Also, if you think female gamers are going to be offended by this article, then you've never actually MET any female gamers. They are... shocking... real people, just like male gamers, and are smart enough to know when a joke is a joke.

Anna @ Sep 23rd 2006 8:56PM

shidoshi, well that was the point I was trying to make sorta, and you know... first hand experince and all ;)

Alexander Pfann @ Sep 24th 2006 6:46AM

kewl move, Joystiq dudes. kiss your Team Ninja previews good-bye when Itagaki reads this . . . .

oh, and please - grow up . ....

Dustin S. @ Sep 24th 2006 9:06PM

HA! i love this site man. the staff's collective sense of humor litterally makes me laugh out loud at least once a day. anyone bashing this article needs to mellow out man. its wonderful little blurbs like this that keep you refreshed and chuckling. who cares if the game is sexist... joystiq didnt make it they are just reporting on how boring it really is. yea they do it in a suggestive manner, but seriously thats where the humor is. bah now im rambling and sounding like the other pretensious jerk offs.

i guess my point is lighten up!

p.s.
HEY JT WHERE'S YOUR 15 PAGE LETTER ABOUT HOW THIS IS RUINGING KIDS?

Blatant @ Sep 25th 2006 2:08AM

hmm... I'm not sure what you're getting at, but I for one am planning to masturbate while I play this game.

dave @ Sep 25th 2006 7:33PM

ROFL@15. the girls ask me if they can play with my action man, if you know what i mean.

Susan @ Sep 26th 2006 2:21PM

I am a female gamer

Now please stop lying

NONE OF YOU HAVE GIRLFRIENDS!

spikr @ Sep 26th 2006 5:42PM

The article was fun to read, props for that.

The comments were fun to read too, kinda reminded me about "arguing in the internet is like running in the paraolympic 100 meters.."

Ed D. @ Sep 29th 2006 6:03PM

I have to play this game one-handed.

No, my other hand isn't ... busy.

I suffered a stroke, and my right hand isn't up to the task.

Richard @ Oct 4th 2006 7:51PM

Hi,

I added a link to this article on our website http://www.game-accessibility.com because although it might have been written just to humour people, it does actually provide some insights for gamers who can only use one hand to play because of a disability. On one hand (pun intended) our website focuses on providing information that will help developers create (more) accessible games, on the other it focuses on providing information that will help gamers with disabilities to pick games that they can play.

I'd love to see a whole range of reviews of games played with just one hand (or foot or ?). If you or anyone else wants to, be my guest!

Sincerely,

Richard

http://www.Game-Accessibility.com

Kaity @ Dec 17th 2006 5:02PM

I'm a woman gamer myself... I love the DoA series. I love the fighting aspect of it, and I love the girls. Saying that I should stay away from these games because I'm not the target audience is just downright stupid.
I also fail to see how anyone can masturbate to this game, unless they can't get any real action or perhaps they've never been exposed to anything more.
The article may have been tasteless, but I find it just as amusing as tasteless. Perhaps true maturity is being able to take these things with a grain of salt.