Look, we honestly don't care what you think about the Disgaea franchise and its peculiar, thoroughly unhinged take on role playing. All we know is that if the description of its upcoming spin-off -- a side-scrolling platformer starring a tenacious, twirling penguin who, by the way, occasionally pilots an enormous tank -- doesn't do anything for you, then we'd like to ask you to leave. Leave the internet.

The internet is also where you'll find the game's official website, along with word that Prinny: Is It Okay If I Am The Main Character? is due to arrive on Japanese PSPs on November 20th. If you have a "friend" with a Japanese PlayStation Store account, you'll also want to check out the demo as of September 29th.

Good news, Tecmo employees! No no, please don't get up. That bed under your desk really looks quite comfortable and snuggly. Now, if you'll just minimize that window filled with Ninja Gaiden II: Burnt Sienna code ... there, that's it. You'll be pleased to note that Tecmo has reached a settlement with Hiroaki Ozawa and Tatsuki Tsunoda of Team Ninja, who recently filed a lawsuit against the Dead or Alive publisher in response to an alleged overtime pay dispute.

According to Gamasutra, the pair claimed that employees (like you!) were not paid according to documented overtime hours, going as far as to say that the company created false documents to cover up the salary shenanigans. With this lawsuit wrapped up, it still leaves one to go with departed Team Ninja boss, Tomonobu Itagaki.

Alright, back to work! And go brush your teeth, seriously.

Take-Two Interactive's third-quarter fiscal results have proven that crime really does pay, with law-breaking blockbuster Grand Theft Auto IV leading sales, alongside Top Spin 3 and Sid Meier's Civilization Revolution. The three-month financial period, ended July 31, 2008, saw the publisher rake in net revenues of $433.8 million, nearly double the $206.4 million it earned during the same, GTA-less quarter of 2007.

If you're reading this paragraph, we can only assume that you're keen on seeing even more numbers. Like $51.8 million, Take-Two's net income for the quarter and a considerable improvement on last year's net loss of $58.5 million. In terms of notable expenses, Take-Two burned through $12.6 million in "stock-based compensation," $1.8 million for "business reorganization" and $5.4 million for "professional fees and legal expenses," primarily aimed at warding off the advances of EA. Finally, net revenues for Take-Two's first three quarters in total were just over $1.2 billion, versus $689.2 million for the same period a year ago.

In summary: Grand Theft Auto IV = money.

Having already come to an arrangement with Japanese star developers Goichi "Suda 51" Suda and Shinji Mikami to publish a mysterious horror franchise*, who could blame EA for stalking showing interest in other Eastern talent? Speaking to MTV Multiplayer, David DeMartini, who oversees the EA Partners program and a board swathed in secret plans, candidly admits, "EA looks at the top 20 developers in the world and we try to sign anything those guys are working on."

DeMartini explains that deals such as the Suda/Mikami one represent "something that is very unique and very special," despite being, like many of our relationships, "slightly uncomfortable for both parties." We're dying to see the results of EA's collaboration and share DeMartini's unshaken hope that it "will serve as a springboard to a successful formula that we can apply to some of the other great Japanese designers." You know, like Gackt.

*It's the franchise that's mysterious, not the horror. We're quite certain it'll have obvious, horror-inducing things like ghosts or Rihanna albums.

At this rate, Dead Space will be coming out tomorrow. Clearly taking note of the immense terror and confusion imparted by its decision to release Dead Space earlier than expected, EA has announced that the outer space corridor creeper has been moved forward a week ... again! That's like, the opposite of a delay.

You can now catch the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions in North American stores on October 14th (PC guys are still on for the 20th). That is, if you're confident enough to leave the house, knowing that the world has become a very sick and unusual place.

It seems Activision Blizzard is still uncertain as to who it's gonna call -- to publish ectoplasmic epic Ghostbusters. Speaking to MCV, the newly melded megapublisher was still hesitant to divulge the "absolutely not cancelled" game's fate, along with the fate of fellow Vivendi leftovers like 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand.

In the wake of Vivendi UK's closure, Activision Blizzard's general manager for the region, Andrew Brown, pointed out that while "Crash, Spyro and Prototype will definitely be released this and next year," the company was still in the midst of "reviewing its options regarding titles that it will not be publishing." Sound familiar? If the games are found unsuitable for Activision's immense sequel conveyer belt, it's likely that they'll be shipped off to more eager publishers.

Still, aren't you utterly relieved to learn that Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon are just fine? We were worried there for a second.

Read on for our interview regarding Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball, deceased presidents and Xbox Live Arcade's infamous certification process.

Alright, be honest. How sick are you of interviewers asking you to pick between pirates and ninjas?

You know what, I haven't had very many interviews lately, so I'm fresh. I'm not quite a virgin with regards to pirates and ninjas in interviews, but close enough. Born again, you could say.

Plus, you know, it's obviously PIRATES.

Well, some would say it's obviously NINJAS, so the argument rages on.

How much longer do you give this meme before it's gone?

The Day you thought would never come has finally arrived, leaping over the horizon and declaring, "I am alive, but not to be confused with I Am Alive, the similarly themed disaster survival game from Ubisoft!" It seems Nintendo has finally gotten around to announcing the official UK release date for Disaster: Day of Crisis, thus dragging the Monolith Soft-developed Wii game from the murky realms of vaporware and into the fluorescent aisles of your local video game retailer.

October 24th has been chosen as the day which game protagonist Raymond Bryce is sure to describe as the worst of his life, what with it attempting to kill him constantly in earthquakes, fires, floods and tenuously connected terrorist attacks. There are also bears. See the peril for yourself in the gallery below.

We certainly hope the game's been worth the wait, if only to spare us from a parade of self-congratulatory reviewers cleverly dubbing it a "disaster."

Aural squash annihilation news now, with Activision already promoting Guitar Hero: World Tour DLC in the form of a Smashing Pumpkins track pack. In addition to the hits "1979" and "The Everlasting Gaze," the downloadable pack will feature the exclusive debut of a new single dubbed "G.L.O.W." Unsurprisingly, you can expect the content to become available for download sometime after the game's launch later this year.

Those hoping to find lead singer Billy Corgan on the game's disc won't be disappointed either as, well, he's actually on there. Corgan will appear as an in-game and undoubtedly creepy character, singing and gyrating (probably) through the band's "Today," or whatever other career song you choose to fling at him. Be gentle.

We don't even know what that means, honestly. What you just read is the nonsensical result of Microsoft deciding to unleash three thematically varied games on Xbox Live Arcade Wednesday. How are we supposed to tie a space shooter, a card game and a meme-based dodgeball game into a coherent headline? Oh, and just wait till you get to the part where we explain what each game entails. Here we go:

The showdown between pirates and ninjas (also, robots and zombies) begins in earnest with the release of Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball, a lighthearted celebration of long-dead cultures and non-fatal projectiles. The game and its 8-player online matches can be had for 800 ($10).

Similarly priced is Shred Nebula, which immediately defies expectations by being utterly devoid of guitar-playing space clouds. In fact, it offers "deep multiplayer space combat" for up to eight players online, along with Adventure, Score Attack and Deathmatch modes.

Finally, there's the online-capable and sufficiently self-explanatory Gin Rummy for 400 ($5). That about does it for this paragraph.

As we've all come to learn, the industry's use of the word "exclusive" is about as persistent as a piece of cotton candy in your mouth. For all we know (which, admittedly, isn't a lot), the Xbox 360 and PC versions of Mirror's Edge could be receiving their own "exclusive" downloadable bits. Probably some designer gloves and elbow pads for our squirrely protagonist.

[Via PS3 Fanboy]

Gun-toting xenophobes, rejoice! Sony has confirmed that Resistance 2, much like all games ever, will have its North American release in the alarmingly crowded month of November -- the 4th, to be exact. Insomniac's ambitious first-person shooter will also arrive in the company of a fancy, $79.99 collector's edition, complete with the usual making-of videos, art books and snarling statuettes.

If you're the impatient type who simply can't wait to take some shots with at a digital Chimera, you'll be pleased to note that Sony has a multiplayer and co-operative public beta planned for early October. To gain "guaranteed access," you'll either have to pre-order Resistance 2 at Gamestop, purchase an annual subscription to the PSN's interactive magazine Qore, or simply purchase Qore Episode 3. There's a free option too -- register here -- but it does not guarantee entry to the beta.

Or, given that it's Germany we're talking about, it's the fancy bullet train we'll be turning around. Regardless, we've had it with our rowdy passengers, Cologne and Leipzig. Jostling for the title of premier European games convention in 2009, Cologne's Gamescom organizers have been quick to proclaim victory over the Leipzig Games Convention, citing better (nay, existing) trade support and location.

Speaking to MCV, Koch Media managing director Klemens Kundratitz declared that there "will not be another show of any relevance in Germany." He added, "[Leipzig] might try something, but the top 12 publishers are in the BIU and we are committed to take the show to the next level in Cologne." Even SCEE president David Reeves joined in, telling MCV, "Leipzig Games Convention has its limitations logistically in terms of getting there and the number of hotels available for visitors." Reeves also predicted that 400,000 attendees -- compared to Leipzig's 200,000 -- will stink up Cologne in September 2009.

Leipzig isn't going down without a fuss, however, with Leipziger Messe CEO Wolfgang Marzin rubbishing reports of weak trade support. "We've already proved that GC works, and we have trade backing – nobody wants a show in September. Another copy of GC in Germany is ridiculous; what is the benefit of holding another show? I am confident that the big show will be GC next year." Big? Or biggest?

No doubt your eyes have already darted to that score at the bottom, recoiling in shock at the sight of a number so low, it actually manages to spell something: catastrophe. Five out of ten? What happened?

Well, it seems not everybody is blown away by Mercenaries 2 and its highly delayed destructive, open-world gameplay. Most reviews think the game accomplishes what it set out to do (i.e. set charges and blow the world to smoldering smithereens), but there's an undercurrent of dissatisfaction with the supposedly shallow combat, dubious AI, the adherence to the previous game's formula and, of course, the bugs.

• 1UP (B+): "While Mercs doesn't do anything particularly new or interesting, the formula is inherently fun (as long as you enjoy blowing things up like I do). I can keep complaining about the quirks -- ridiculously repetitive voice samples from NPCs, a climax that consists of a trial-and-error button-pushing session -- but the wealth of smaller problems are insubstantial in light of the effective fundamentals."
• IGN (79/100): "For every time I cursed the stupid AI, I cheered at the demolition of another building. For every bug that got me stuck in some bushes, there was an attack chopper waiting to be jacked. If Mercenaries 2 had more polish, it would have been a great game. As is, it's still worth playing – and enjoyable – but falls far short of its promise."
• WorthPlaying (76/100): "Cars will flip for no reason, your character's legs will get stuck in the environment, things will explode for no reason, etc. It's impossible to play without encountering bugs on a regular basis."
• Eurogamer (50/100): "We'd now go a little further than that: apart from some cool explosive effects and solid controls, Mercenaries 2 is utterly mediocre in almost every sense that matters. From the initial sorties onwards it's bogged down by the worst kind of brain-dead cannon fodder enemies, lead-you-by-the-hand level design, arbitrary boundaries, and some technical howlers."

Apparently convinced that it can no longer make loads of cash from a 13-year-old PC game, publisher EA has combined motivated marketing with measured magnanimity and released real-time strategy classic Command & Conquer: Red Alert for free. Where? Right at the bottom of this Red Alert 3 promotional page, which also dangles a free copy of Red Alert 2 in front of your nose. To get it, all you need to do is pre-order the game's third, deliciously cheesy installment.

And hey, if you're not sure what all this Conquer and Command stuff is, now's as good a time as any to shake Hitler by the hand and irrevocably wreck the timeline.

[Thanks, WiNG]